Saturday, July 14, 2012

Roots and Wings

I know…..her heart is shattered. She is still in love with the guy. But he doesn’t want her to.  She still looks for his status updates; to get some least hints that, he is still in love with her. But she didn’t get any. Evenings are still the same. She stands out of her balcony, hoping that ‘today’ he will come through the way of her street.  But thumping her heart once again, he went through the short cut road of Maya’s house...
She says,
 “I have never fallen so much in love with anyone. He was so good to me.  We talked for days and nights. We loved each other for 5 months. We met often...in those coffee shops, shopping complex, cyber cafes and some lonesome roads He never slept without saying me “Goodnight”. But now, he is not replying to my goodnight messages,  he is not asking me if I had my breakfast, he is not giving me smiley’s  and says me, ‘I love you’ …he is not thinking of me even in those forgotten dreams. He has abandoned me completely. He used me...not physically ,but mentally sweeping out all the love of my heart and throwing me in threshold. I can’t sustain this pain anymore…..I can’t love anyone anymore. I feel lonely, as if a part of me is missing. I am getting chaotic dreams. I wake up in the middle of the night and feel the quietness getting on to my nerves. How can he forget me so easily and pretend to be alright, when I can’t do it? Why did he do this to me? He took me to the middle of the sea and left me all alone. How can I, row back home now?  Why does he want to give me all this pain? I can’t get out of this... Wearing a smiling mask before everyone, I am weeping within my heart. My exams are coming up. I can’t get into my books. With such a sick heart, how can I study? In each 5 minutes, I look into my mobile for his text messages. But there is not even one. Even though I lived for the past 18 years, I had life only on those 5 months of time with him.  I have forgotten everything happened before and after that. I can’t see anything in the world, other than him. If I look out into the sky, I see his face, if I look at a flower, I think of the bouquets, he gifted me…If I watch over a love scene, I remember our conversations. If I go out in the crowd, I see him here, there and everywhere. I don’t get the glimpse of any other faces. I see his face on the walls and windows. I smell him over my clothes and books. If I sit to eat, I think of the way ,we ate together. Everything else around me is blurred…I meditate upon him. I wish for a change, but I can’t help it… I am lost but I still love him with those broken bits and pieces of my heart.”

I listened to her patiently. The emotions were running down from her heart. When tears rolled down, I saw the pain and love in her eyes. She lamented over the loss of her heart…the heart that has not loved any other man...the heart, that was once pure and unblemished… the heart, that was once the ‘temple of God’… the heart, that was under her control for the last 18 years, but not anymore…And I realized, for a girl like her, giving her heart itself, is a matter of chastity.  As she repents, the purity of her emotions is gone.   The love which she has kept for the man, whom she wanted to live with till the end of her life, is taken away by another Monster. She knows that he is a flirt, and he didn’t deserve it. But she can’t stop loving him. She can’t love any other man in the same way as she does him. And she cries, “My chastity is gone”


 After hearing everything, I was feeling sick to my heart. It was a like a pain, creeping inside the soul, while knowing that the girl, who once tailed around my fingers,  got hooked to a third-rate idiot…the little girl who always wanted her seat on my lap, has grown up to extent of forgetting, her world and dared to live upon a stranger’s thoughts - whom she knew only for five months….. Initially, it was too hard for the sister in me to accept her pain. Sooner, I had to blow out all my emotions in the air because,I knew, I have to come down to the earth and accept her as what she is. There is no use of stabbing over a heart, which is already torn and bleeding

 I may be her elder, I may be her sister, I may be her mother…but, even I am one of those girls, who once passed over my teenage days and grown up into my youth.  I live in the same era of those girls, who comes to the hostel for the first time, weeps as innocent as babies for days and nights, departing their parents and family, sooner grows out of their own personality and may be after a year or two, weeps over the loss of their boy friend, loss of love, loss of heart… Parents and family is only a reverie for them, at this point of time. They know no parents. They know no grandparents. They know no siblings. They know no world. The one and only person, whom they are concerned to be alive in the world is the person, with whom they fell in love. The rest is all unimportant to them.
  
I asked her to 'unfriend' him on Facebook and deactivate her account, till her exams get over. But, to my wonder she replied, “Please don’t tell me that alone. It is the only way for me to know that he is alive and he exists. Without even that, I would be half dead.”  Before her words, I felt that I am only a child. If the girls of my generation were difficult, the coming generations are incomprehensive. The more, I spoke to her about her parents, the more, she spoke to me about her lover and their love life.

With all those good and bad words, I tried to convince her. I reminded her of the future, her family…but everything was loss of words, loss of energy and  loss of time. I knew, whatever I speak wouldn’t make any sense to her. It was as vague as, how babies perceive elder’s conversations; there are only some sounds without any meaning. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. If I say her that, she is too silly to cry over a 'five month old relation', she thinks that, I am not sensible or sensitive enough to understand her feelings and emotions. I didn’t want to underestimate her heart. If I would take the issue to elders, I knew how they would react. They would be accusing her with all those crimes of the world and lock her up in a room. She wouldn’t be seeing the light of the world anymore. All of them would be reacting in entirely different way. Her father would be aggressive. With all the tears, her mother would be threatening her emotionally. The grand parents would be labeling her with all the illness, a girl can ever get. Her brother would be insisting others, not to send her anymore to the College. I didn’t want to spoil her future. She is a good student and a bright future is waiting for her. And the sickness that has caught her mind is horrific. Before it turns out to be infectious enough to kill her, she has to get over it. It is the worst emotional trauma, one can ever go through.  From her point of view, it is not silly, it is not light... It is more or less about the thing of heart.  If a God can give a new heart, let Him give her one or if time can heal the wounds, let it medicate hers… I sincerely wish, hope and pray that she will get over it and come out as another strong woman..

Taking the above case, we know this is just one among the many girls, who are affected. The teenagers, who go for higher studies,fall from grace into the traps of those scammers and spoil their lives, are innumerable these days.  Some fall down, but get up and rise, while others bury themselves and get doomed to earth. It is not because they don’t love their parents or respect their family. But it is because they love the freedom more… the freedom from bondage…the freedom that was once denied and unknown.

Few words to those parents who are strictly lovable, who feeds and fences their children inside cages, who believes, “life is only inside those four walls”, who stops them in going for excursions and movies, who imposes them with their own list of Do’s and Don’ts, who reminds them in each 5 minutes, ‘not to fall in love’, who claims that they get anxious attacks when their child moves out alone, who instructs them not to make friends and trust strangers, who insists them not to dress up and show off, who assumes that parenting is nothing more or less than instructing, insisting and imposing, who says  101 times a day that, they have brought them with so  much of sufferings and difficulties and who believes that love is inside locks…here is something for you,

“ I am not a mother. I don't have a child..But I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a friend of many other daughters...So I can say...Words are to speak and emotions are to express. Express them your love. Show them the care. Pat them. Kiss them. Tell them that ‘they are the best’. Accept them to explore the unknown. Guide them, but not instruct them. Suggest them, but not force them. Don’t say them the ‘right and wrong’. Let them discover. Let them rediscover. Let them come and tell you, rather than you telling them. Say it aloud ,that you trust them enough to send them to any corner of the world.  If you hold them too tight, they will look for space. Leave them free. There may be loose ends, but strings are very much attached. Grow them up in such a way that they learn, freedom is responsibility. Show them the world and they will not fall for it. You give them, roots and wings…roots to know where home is and wings to fly, explore and come back to you....Definitely, they will come back...”

Give Roots to cling on and Wings to get set free...

4 comments:

  1. Good one...Keep writing. Your words are strong and powerful. Ur voice is clear..Gud

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  2. tears rolled out of my eyes while i was reading this...... GREAT one Ashitha.... impressed by many of ur posts including the above.....

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot dear..I am glad that it could touch you :)

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