Tuesday, December 31, 2013
It is like...
the last page of my diary,
the final chapter of a great book which is never looked back,
the action of turning a page,
of ending a chapter,
of shutting a book..
Can we forget the last day of summer, the leaves fall, some goodbyes and the year 2013???
It is that time of the year again. It is the time of the year which I love the most. It is the time to sit back and smile down to those old memories while waiting for the new ones. As much as I disliked endings, today I believe in happy endings. Something or other has to end for the rest of things to remain happy.
While the year 2013 moves beside and paves way for 2014, I foresee not the end but the happiness after it ends. Every end is not an end. It is a new beginning to keep you, me and them happy. We may sigh, we may regret and a little part of us may ache too. But still we manage to smile...
To me 2013 was all about waiting. I submitted my 411 pages of Doctoral Dissertation on January 28th of 2013 and since now, I have been waiting for my viva. In fact, for the first time in my life, I began to earn and start working as a Lecturer in my own home department of our University. Of course, that matters lot to me. I got a set of students whom I can call as friends and I got a set of colleagues with whom I can comfortably work as they are my own teachers. And above all, I mastered that art...that very art of wearing sarees and I am crazy about collecting them.
And indeed, it was the year
of forgetting some dreams which are not worthy to be dreamt,
of distorting some faces which are not worthy to be remembered,
of pursuing goals which are worthier than life, of believing in them fully,
of doing what I really love,
of overcoming the fear of failure,
of colours, glitters and broken bangles,
of geometric designed sarees and matching blouses,
of eyeliners smudged and tears
of gloominess, hair colours and nail polishes
of coffee mugs, chilled bottles and dim lighted bars
Yes, I know that I am weird. But I can’t help it. I have a tendency to dress up utmost on the day I am utmost gloomy. I handle classes with utmost spirit on the day I am utmost stressed. It is mysterious. I laugh out at the peak of my voice during mornings and I weep out my heart like a baby on that very evening. I wonder how EVERYTHING can fall right and fall apart within fraction of seconds.
It was not 2013 but it was the edge of my life. I was happy and sad. I laughed and cried. I loved and at the same time hated. I decided and undecided. I began and ended. I obeyed and disobeyed. I taught my students and at the same time, I misguided them. I was beautiful and I was not so beautiful. I was honest and I was dishonest. I wrote pages of love and burned it all in fire. I created and I murdered.
That in the end, the year 2013 taught me how to be immune to everything and to adopt my own set of defense mechanisms. Yes, it taught me how to survive with and without everything. And, I have mastered the art beautifully...I see my facebook timeline of the year 2013. It has been tiresome but it has been equally fruitful. It is freaky.
Yes, the very I...Ashitha became a person of mesmerising paradox. I sworn and lied at the same time. I did so because I do not want anyone to understand me. I do not want to be that story which you read, enjoy and forget. But I want to be that story which you start thinking about after you close down the book...
So here I pledge to LIVE-2014.
A very Happy New Year to all you beautiful people !
Posted by Ashitha at 10:24 AM
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Two years ago, there was someone in me who had given me the insight that I can write words which are unstated, unheard and unwanted...Two years ago, there was someone in me who introduced me to the beautiful atmosphere of blogosphere...
Two years ago, there was someone in me who made me realize that I have a pen which can weave magic through words...
Two years ago, there was someone in me who told me that I have the ability to create a blog by my own and design its header and template by myself...
Two years ago, there was that someone in me
But, today she has become someone else...
I miss that someone and sometimes I miss being me
Two years ago, I started making the most amazing friends...
Two years ago, this day October 15th that wonderful thing happened to me..
it crossed 44,581 page views, 76 followers, 57 posts, 5 Tangy Tuesday picks by Blogadda, 3 blogger awards and one notable newbie award, I know numbers do matters. Still there are some things which are beyond those numbers. You just can’t limit it always.
When I am here, I know I am at the most comfortable corner of my life next to home. It still can lift up my spirits when I am down. It can keep up my sanity and insanity. It can make me shed tears and smile at the same time. It can put me in chaos as well as peace. It can let me experience love as well as hatred. It can make me what I am and also someone else. It is a sentimental milestone and I am just crossing it over. Now I know, I can get obsessed not only with people...but also those objects and some corners. And my blog is definitely one among them. I love this feeling because it just helps me to be at myself. No matter how good or bad I am, some things make sense and the rest just don’t...
Happy Birthday my dear ‘Stream of my Consciousness’. Happy Blogoversary...
You have just turned two . My baby is growing up. Love you.
A big and heartfelt thank you to all my readers, followers and my dearest pet cat who is on the right hand corner of my blog.. chakki :-)
Many more smiles and love to my dearest and ever supportive facebook friends and followers.
Thank You dears....
Posted by Ashitha at 11:18 PM
Friday, October 4, 2013
Come along with me. Let’s get out of this town and move away from the crowd. Sit beside me and we'll look out at all the new landscapes, the rain and sunsets with a smile. Within a few more hours we will be there. Yes, that beautiful countryside where we can saunter along the river and scribble our story on the good old green trees. Let’s photograph those statues and people who can’t recognize us.Let it be a land where we deserve to be fearless of our love. I want to wander with you and see the new things, we had never seen before. I want to walk next to you down roads we've never walked on before.
Let's go for long walks and spend some time near those desolated paths covered of green leaves. And when I sing back to cuckoo’s song holding your hands; don’t forget to say that you love me more. Take me to the sunlight and admire the purple color of my hair. So come and sit on the top of rocks along with me. Show me the palm trees I love and get me the flowers to decorate my hair. We will have ‘open eyes’, lots of music in our playist and a handful of walnuts to munch along. Let us feel the grass beneath our feet and see the sky overhead tasting the coffee made by someone else. When you take me to the old stone church, let us light together the candles to perceive truths and beauty that we could not perceive before. And while we return to our stay, point it out to me the distant lanterns hanging in front of small huts and say, there is so much of love and life in the breeze.
Take me to the top of building and show me the stars. Then, we will dance in the moonlight and sit back for a glass of wine. We know, lots of nights – foreign and new are waiting for us. When we are done with our fill of music, wine and conversation with strangers, we will come back to our tiny beds and fresh sheets. Make love with me crazily out there, feel every inch and curve of my body that let my soul meet and merge with your soul. And when you do that, a tear drop may sprung up on the edges of eyes, wipe it off and whisper in my ears that you love me much more than before.Allow me to sleep inside your arms like a baby at my utmost state of sanity.We’ll sleep knowing there will be breakfast and coffee in the morning, and I just want to explore with you.
We travel lot and, let us stop at the tea stalls and have few words with truck drivers who have miles to go. We will stop at every nook and corner to cherish the beauty of everything we pass. Let us be lovers, companions, adventurers, pioneers and witnesses of God. We won't talk. We won't touch. We'll just be there. There will be so much of divinity in that silence. And there will be lot of love around.
Come do all these with me, you and I, for time is short and short is the time. . I want to walk next to you down roads we’ve never walked on before and hear words we’ve never heard spoken before. Let’s remember to forget and forget to remember. Let’s touch the sky and kiss the ground and weep while we laugh because you mean so much while the world can mean so little. Ultimately, leave some space between You and I that let heavens come and fill it off...
and much more....
and much more....
Posted by Ashitha at 4:36 PM
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Of all the men around, the eyes of him were the ones mine caught. His voice, it was transiting me to another world...a world which existed only in reveries. It still wonders, why did I remember the voice so distinctly? I have heard tales of fires in the wettest forest. I was always in love with the phenomenon of attracting opposites – always thinking of what couldn’t be. Was the heart beating fast with some unknown feeling? Or was it just an overreaction? Strange were the ways.Yet I smiled to myself...
I spoke less words and he took away all the meaning. Earth seemed to be little brighter than before. I began to see volumes of stories in the changing shades of sky. I wanted to compile everything and write as an epic, which never ends...I saw unwashed portraits in the sand – under those salty waters which washed my feet. The portrait was none. But its blankness had a kick. And I stared it again and again...
He was those meaningless symbols I found in each and everything. He was the moon in my blackest coffee. We were those white cigarettes turning into ashes. There was lot of silence. There was lot of colourlessness. But I knew the fire was burning inside and there was light. We flirted like fingers changing the swirly path of smoke without any barriers to cross, thinking that it would never be intrusive. Still, the smoke was all in the air and ashes were accumulated to the fingertips...
He slept and I sat watching. Was he dreaming? Was I anywhere in it? The happiness was all in wait and knowing that was the happiness.Inside the bag, there laid my diary and blue ink pen. But I poured the ink drops inside a glass of water. And when it began to float inside, he woke up from his slumber.I wanted to feel the moonlight dancing on our skin on a cold night. His breath must tickle my nape and I wanted to get lost. I felt, happiness was not anything more than those voiceless laughs and whispers. Or was it an illusion? The comfort was nothing other than his shadow, wherever I fall...
Dreamy corner of nature, the murmuring river, the illuminated sky, matured night,smiling full moon, yellowness, candle light , two long curvy glasses,you, me and a bottle of red wine with love and much more...
Clothes – Does it make sense?
Posted by Ashitha at 5:33 AM