Saturday, December 17, 2011

EXIST

Yes, I know….I know
It doesn’t seem really good. I have been keeping away from the space for long time. Even I had similar feeling as though I was away from home.  And I know, I love my blog
To all those, who is expecting a good enough text to be read, I apologize. I know I may disappoint you. Yet, I can’t stop writing this.
I am overcoming a ‘phase’, which WILL probably turn out as an interesting piece to write about in the near future. But not now
 However, this post has no intentions and it is nothing more than a scream
“I STILL EXIST…. FORGET me NOT”
The end of week is entirely different from its beginning. And here I add a positive vibration, which I received by mail,
A beautiful wish which goes as

“START YOUR WEEK WITH A POSITIVE NOTE”



My ink for the day is getting over….
So before that, my wishes to some close to heart 
‘December babies’
Happy Birthday to you as (Advance & Belated)

The End’
 by a song from my list of favorites.

I love its each frame
I wish to visit this church at Alappey. I hope , I will...
Enjoy the break… Happy December :)



Sunday, November 20, 2011

SHE is HER

With no prologue, no names, I begin. All about HER.
Not many words. . Her name speaks for her. And it is SHE.
Do you know her? Probably, not.
 I wish I could tell you a story about her. But I can’t. 
I don’t know her fully.
As no one knows about her fully, I take liberty to write about her and this is dedicated to HER.

This is for HER, who possessed mysterious eyes, sensuous lips and played with clips and bands. Yes, the one who loved bangles and earrings. The one, who lived between colors and flowers & talked to HER
 “Guardian Angel”,

This is for HER who dumps her negativity at night, somewhere in the middle of dark, may be through a pen or paper or even between the spaces of those keys, when her hands move to type.  HER place can be a Blog or Diary or even a Text message she sends. Yet all loved those, for it stringed an air.
At times, wetting her pillow with tears and she loved them both
the pillow as well as her tears

If we look into HER words, we will know that she is somewhere between smiles and tears, sorrow and joy, shore and sea, earth and sky, rather dreams and reality.
she herself doesn’t know where she is. Struck between the edges of Yesterdays and Tomorrows, she lives HER Today’s’.
SHE is a BETWEEN’

Men fell for HER easily, but she always walked away their hearts pushing them away, knowing that they would make love to her but nobody would ever love HER. SHE said it is the raw passion and desire, all men felt for HER. SHE passed across the vulture eyes alone, all alone.

But now ask HER to talk about something and she tells you all about LOVE and Him. Is she in Love?  Nobody knows the answer.
SHE often said, “No man is born to touch my soul”

Yet, SHE believeD in Love and took the way as it is. HE may not be HER’S, yet SHE loved him
SHE puts up a brave face, not because SHE is happy but because she doesn’t want others to laugh at HER irony. SHE is the girl who wanted to grow up and yet wanted to remain as a Child
SHE is the girl who loved HER mother’s cradle as well as loved to cradle HER man.

SHE - the one who got obsessed with impossibilities, and longed to possess them all. SHE is the darling to many, pampered by all, yet she ran away from all of them, just because she lived on her OBSESSIONS

And she dreamed of  Paradise :)


SHE wanted to be loved, loved in secret because SHE loved secrets 101.
SHE loved those seven nights. SHE smelled jasmine. SHE clicked the old woman, next her door. SHE talked to those puppies and cats, which lay on the road.

 SHE loveD herself strangling between the sureties and uncertainties, tossing the head and tale of a one rupee coin often, “He loves me” or He loves me not” And she smiled, when it tossed, “He loves me”.
SHE loveD a man, who smiled to see HER go confusing yet loved loved and loved HER for coming HOME to him. The girl, who loved to lean on his chest and whisper, “I love you”, but never dared to live with him,.

This is my girl (as I write I love HER) who went blind to all those who spoke high and low about HER. The one, who continue staying as the MOON when street dogs barked and giggled, SHE knew what SHE possessed. SHE loved to laugh at the many who envied HER because SHE knew SHE possessed a man, the eyes and a pen,  wHat others would envy for.

She loved rain but never wanted to get wet.
She loved to take coffee but little, a little

SHE yelled, cried, smiled, laughed, kissed, loved, possessed all doing at the same time. She lived in extremes, unlike poles, ironies, paradox, love, hate, tears, smiles, moments and distance. ,

SHE never unveiled herself. SHE was weird and she found  a weird pleasure to stay so


-------------------------

And NOW see what Sigmund Freud, (our own Father of Psychology) has to tell about HER

“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a woman SHE want(s)?"

Yes SHE is a WOMAN,
 neither I nor You or Him, knows

p.s:  My favorite song for HER, Which else would perfect HER other than this


SHE ran away in her sleep
Dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para para paradise

Para para paradise :) :)
--------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Distance

The next day morning was his flight. She knew that this was the moment; she had to bid him Adieu. She won’t get to see him for so many days. She knew, she was going to miss his calls, his text messages, his kisses and he himself. The presence of others, never allowed them to part with a hug or a kiss.
She felt horrible and thought, “God, you must not put any lover into such worst moments!”
 Giving a last stare, pouring all her love to him straight from her eyes, she walked away like that, never wishing him a “Happy Journey” or saying him a “Goodbye”.
She knew she couldn’t. He looked at her last time, long enough to make her feel uncomfortable till he comes back.

The only thing that meant it is a part of her life is that she kept thinking about it


 As soon as she stepped out, she received a message, “It is pain, leaving you. Miss your hugs, my love”. The message could fetch her tears rolling down on her cheeks. She had not realized till that time, how much she liked him.

She walked back home alone. Her mom asked her so many things but she never heard. Her mind was completely dominated by his thoughts.

“Will I be his thoughts these days? Will he forget me?” she worried herself.

Her mom called her to have her favorite dinner
She said, maaa, I am not hungry. I don’t want”.




 She had not taken any food. She couldn’t close her eyes. Those were the moments, even he realized, how much he loved her. Both of them didn’t sleep. They were chatting through texts. Her inbox was full. Yet she didn’t want to delete any of the messages, because those were his.

And he sent her the last message, "Boarding dear. I will call you. Miss you”

 She went numb for few seconds. She felt as if they both were the only humans lived on earth.She went out, but he was not there to tell her Take care honey”. It was boring, going to restaurants without him, not sipping the same cup of coffee together. 

She waited for him to call but he didn’t call even once. His mom called her up and conveyed the message that he had asked how all of them were. She wondered why he didn’t call…

She did so much of things the whole day. She read books. She listened to music. She went out with her mom for shopping but missed sharing them all with him. They had so much in common, yet invariably different. They were unlike poles, yet got attracted. They were two extremes, who ran parallel. They were two imperfects, but together the perfect. She didn’t feel to talk with anyone else. She wondered if she had anyone other than him with whom she could be so comfortable. He had been her right hand, her pillar. She missed getting angry on him for silly reasons, their fights and those moments of reconciliation.  



Everything appeared to her lifeless except her mobile phone. Shee waited to hear it ringing on his call; she stared to see his message flashing on it. But there was nothing.
She took her purple diary and wrote,

“Dear diary, I miss him badly. Why is he not calling? Has he forgotten me? I have a low self esteem. I will do whatever he wants. Ask him to call me once, just once. I beg you.”

Despite, being on the dreamy end of the world, HE longed to be back with her. He looked at her pictures every time and couldn't help think, “how beautiful, my girl is”. He could never find any other woman as amazing as her.The days were dreary for him without his angel. He planned to surprise her. There was her in everything he did. All he could realize was that his flirting had turned to love; it was no more flirting but he was in LOVE.

.....And finally her love sick mobile gave its ring and it was him calling from an ISD number. All the butterflies of earth were on her stomach. She was too nervous, quivery and picked his call. She had lot to be accused on him. But she forgot everything and was completely lost in the moments
She said, “Love you so much. Come back to me!”  .  
Sounded from her soul, it echoed to the other end of his dreamy world..

And they learned, "Distance can't separate Hearts"


 P.S : Dedicated to all, who flirts. Beware, you may fall one day. Don't blast   
        your head interpreting, "what is this all about"! 
        It comes from the love, in and around my world :P
          

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Moments

She sat there looking at him from the corner of her black drawn eyes. She looked absolutely stunning in her fine red Georgette embroidered salwar.  None could have resisted themselves, stealing a glance of her that day.  But here he is sitting with a mug of coffee, working on an article in his laptop.

She has been always proud of herself that she is the most beautiful woman in his life. Yet, she is desperate for his attention.
 She asked herself,

“Am I not beautiful? Uhhh!! Come on, Girl! Believe in You. Don’t let him pull you down”

 It is been 30 minutes, since she has arrived to him. He passed her an incredible stare to tell his anger and apart from that no words or sentences uttered to make her comfortable from her trust issues, sharing issues, mental issues and all sorts of insecurities, they have been facing in their relation.
 Her thoughts in silence spoke,

“How possessive you have made me become! You are mine.”

 She has grown too emotional about their relation that she couldn’t stand even others’ shadow falling on him.

She always has a reason to say, “You made me fall”.

She has made herself in one of her best looks to catch his fall again.
She couldn’t stand the way he remained unaffected by her presence. It is hard for her to catch his eyes, for this had never been a need for her. The only thing she has to do is to give a magical stare with her story-telling eyes for all the men to queue her up with proposals.

“Good, don’t look at me! You and your damned article”, her thoughts screamed aloud.

Her imagination is running wild. She felt to fling away the laptop from him and sit on his lap facing him. She wanted to hold him in the most painfully tight way. She wanted to smell like him forever. All she wanted is him.

She got paranoid. She blamed herself, 
I shouldn’t let this go on. Hell no! I got to put an end to the issues. He is mine. I have to keep him, happy. I will make it alright now”

She slowly began twirling her beautiful long hair strand in fast movements. Her gestures distracted him from his work and his eyes traveled on her.
“Oh my goodness!” she smiled to herself.

He finally uttered his words,

“I am sorry …I can’t take up this stress anymore. Of course, I LOVE YOU and I want to continue to love you. For that, we can’t go on like this. You stay happy and take good care of you.”

Her face turned expressionless. But he noticed. She is torn. He hunted for one another sign of her pain and found nothing. Looking at her eyes, he felt that he is falling in love with her over and again.

“Where are you heading to?” She managed to ask him with a deep voice

“I mean for a ‘break up’, absolutely with no second thoughts”

She heard it finally. She stood still for two minutes. She stopped herself from arguing with him further and made her mind to accept his decision, with ‘no second thought’

She said, “Okay, fine! Go on. Perfect Decision. Let us part.”

With a lifeless smile on her face, she got up from her seat and began to step out of the room slowly, very slowly.

Her mind is numb. She felt as though she is drugged.  He placed the coffee mug on the table and asked her in a melodious tone

“So where are you going now?”

With so much of emptiness in her eyes, she stared at him and replied

“Why do you want to know all that? Now that we have broken up and we are not each others. I am not yours anymore. I hate you”

She exploded with her teary eyes.

He hastily turned to her, held her by her shoulders and faced her. When his eyes met hers, he could see a stream of tears running down her cheeks hysterically

“My girl, what you experienced right now is a nightmare. I am very much yours….only yours. Don’t you know that?”

She stared at him and said, “Damn! Go, No need. Go away!”

She slapped him hard and looked at him with eyes full of tears. She dropped into the chair closed her face and wept as if there is no one in the room.He sat there incredibly looking at her, wondering at the intensity of emotions happening between them. He felt distressed for failing to understand her seriousness.

He dragged her towards him by her arm, hugged her tight and whispered

“I love you deee. I am yours”

 She covered her face into his chest, holding his shirt tightly that unknowingly her nails plowed into his skin. Here is when; he realized the emotional trauma, she has been going through

She lifted her face, looked at him with her wet eyes and said, “I love you so much. Please know me. You are mine”

With a soothing smile on his face, he wiped off her tears and the eye liner which got spread on her face. He gently moved the hairs from falling on her face and made her rest ‘once more’ on his chest.
Drowning close to his heart, her thoughts sounded in silence

“What happened to me? Where is all my emotional stability gone?”

And she replied to herself

“Yeah, I know... This is love…. true love.”

She closed her eyes and found herself relieved.


Love is knowing that its much more than you think

P.S : I don't know what made me write this. But it tells that I believe in Love and the Moments....




Thursday, October 20, 2011

A Letter To Thesis



Dear Thesis

What is your problem? Why you make it so difficult? Day by day, you are making me feel worse. Don’t stare at me with your blank white soul. Here I challenge you; Dare to appear as a TALE, I will write you overnight.


Break the rules and live your LIFE. I want to scribble on you, MY ART.

Devil pages, Stop your connections with ‘NUMBERS’ and ‘STATISTICS’. I can’t restart the habit of counting with my toe-fingers.Don’t you feel ashamed?? When you have your beautiful wife, WORD, why you want to go behind other women...? I will definitely spy her, if you meet those DIGITS again

Stop making me follow you, word by word. I can’t do it. Know, I am a writer. Any writer is a KING. I will command and you will have to listen.  I will kick your nose, if you mock at my creativity. What! Stop questioning my language. I am not a machine. I write from my soul. I can’t follow your damn rules.
You made my mom even crazy that she has only to ask about you.Dirty, stop your encounters with her. Delete her cell number or you will come to know, who I am!

Don’t laugh too much. I will catch you soon and play on you with my words. I am waiting for the SPARK. Once If I get that, REMEMBER, you will be hanging on my finger tip. Wait for the moment.

Still,know now something. however bad you are, I can’t hate you because you are my DREAM.  We are going to spend LIFE together. Your DESTINY is going to be my BOOK SHELF. So lets move in mutual harmony. Leave your bad ideas and come to me. I will feed you, my WORDS.

However rude ,I am to you, try to understand me. My anger lasts only for a moment but my love forever. Still, love you,damn book

Waiting 





Saturday, October 15, 2011

My First Drip to the Stream



Yes,this is going to be my FIRST POST on 'STREAM OF MY CONSCIOUSNESS' It had always been interesting to do something for the first time in life; the fisrt love,first day in school, first pet, first exam,first time meeting with someone,first visit to a church..it goes on and on...And NOW one more to the list, "MY FIRST BLOG POST". Hence I mean this very much as a Welcome Note to all my readers. 
Take my words,"First a Drip, Then a Stream". Wait for more...
As much as a beautiful stream of water is innocent about where it is heading to, so as I am uncertain of what I am going to write.But I believe that the only creation of a writer is the FIRST SENTENCE' and the rest is all 'HAPPENING'...
I am one such....
One of the mysterious aspects of being, Human is that we become eccentric, overwhelmed,perplexing, weary, awful,peaceful, may be all at the same time and go beyond expressions.I am more or less the same. Yet, there is something which I call as a MAGIC is the magic of WORDS.It keeps the voice alive,awake,dancing, singing, curling and, weaving HER stories….And thus born the space, "STREAM OF MY CONSCIOUSNESS”


May it last long years..I love my blog....

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